


The Sun and the Stars

by raphaelsontiago



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Self-Hatred, on both simon and raphael's parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7131251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raphaelsontiago/pseuds/raphaelsontiago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You look at him and see the stars, and he looks at you and sees the sun, but you both think the other is just looking at the ground."</p><p>Or, the one in which Simon and Raphael try to show each other just how worthy of love the other one is, whilst failing to see their own worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sun and the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the small poem in the summary.

Raphael Santiago had always had plans in life. He planned his way up to becoming Camille’s second hand then he meticulously planned her demise. Raphael was smart. So, for every plan he had, he always had a plan B, and even a plan C. 

Simon Lewis was the one thing Raphael never planned for. 

He never thought that he would be taking care of a hyperactive baby vampire. However, he saw the look in Simon’s eyes when he was first turned. He saw how disgusted he was with himself as he called himself repulsive and nothing. He knew that look.

He saw it every morning when he looked in the mirror.

So, Raphael planned. He took Simon under his wing. He gave him a place at the DuMort, offered him a home. 

It wasn’t until the third night that Raphael overheard Simon sobbing in his room. 

Hesitantly, he cracked Simon’s door open and made his way to Simon’s bedside. The sight that lay before him shattered Raphael’s heart. Simon was curled up on his side, with his hand covering his mouth, trying to muffle the chokes and cries he was emitting. His face was pale, with tear tracks staining his cheeks red. The fledgling barely noticed Raphael walk in. 

“Dios, Simon.” Raphael whispered, pulling Simon up from his position on the bed and wrapping his arms around him, holding him close. 

Simon shook apart in his arms. He didn’t say anything. He just let Raphael hold him, as he desperately tried to stop crying. 

“Shh, Simon. You’re alright. It’ll get easier, I promise. I’ll guide you through this, alright?” Raphael murmured next to Simon’s ear. Simon nodded, faintly acknowledging his words. 

“You’re not a monster.” He added, needing Simon to know that everything he said about himself was a lie, without really knowing how to express that.

This process repeated for months after Simon moved into the DuMort. Raphael would walk in on Simon crying himself to sleep, or Simon would come to his room, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes, pillow in hand after a nightmare. Every time Raphael saw Simon like this, he felt an ache in his chest that only worsened with each passing day. 

Raphael did what he could to lessen the ache. He made Simon feel wanted. He listened to his stupid ramblings, even watched that Space Wars movie with him. When Simon cried, he wiped away his tears, and, when he was afraid, he held him and whispered reassurances. 

Soon enough, Simon started to smile more. He fed without Raphael having to force him to, and it finally looked like he was adjusting to his new life.

That was when the notes started coming.

The first one was in his book. It was neon pink and there was a message scrawled messily on it, reading, “you’re not a monster.” 

Raphael immediately shut the book and refused to look at it for an entire week. 

He didn’t know who left him the note, but whoever was was getting a stern talking to when they were exposed. No one plays Raphael Santiago and gets away with it. 

At first, he thought it was Magnus. Bane had never been the sentimental type, but he cared for Raphael. The vampire wasn’t blind to that. He confronted him about it and all he got was a laugh and a request for Raphael to remove the stick that was shoved firmly up his ass. 

He went home after that, and found the second note. It was stuck to his bathroom mirror and it said, “why can’t you see how beautiful you are?”

Raphael’s throat tightened and he ripped the post-it into pieces. He didn’t need anyone messing with him, especially not when it was about a topic so personal. 

Sure, it was a nice gesture, but no one actually believes Raphael is beautiful, he knows that much. That’s why Raphael puts so much effort into his appearance. If no one thinks he is beautiful, he might as well make damn sure he looks better than them. 

Anger surged through Raphael’s veins as he realized whoever was sending him these notes wanted Raphael vulnerable. They wanted him to swoon over these notes like he was a sixth grader with a crush. Well, Raphael will not fall for that. He just won’t. He refused to let his guard down. Letting his guard down made him weak, and that is one thing a leader cannot have.

So, he decided it would be best to ignore the notes. If he let the culprit know they were affecting him, he would have already lost, and Raphael Santiago is not a losing man. 

He cast aside the note that told him he was worthy of life, and the one telling him how important he was. They were all lies after all. He wouldn’t delude himself into believing falsities just for the purpose of consoling himself. To be frank, Raphael did not care that the truth about himself hurt, because Raphael liked to know everything, and knowing everything did not mean knowing lies. He wanted the truth, without the sugar coating.

Therefore, when Raphael received the note saying that he was perfect, he was furious. He threw the note across the room and avoided his clan for the rest of the night. He could not bare to see them, considering one of them could be the one sending the notes. Avoidance did seem like the perfect plan after all.

However, after Raphael woke up with a sticky note to his forehead reading, “I love you”, he decided he had had enough. Instead of crumpling the paper, he studied the handwriting, trying to decipher who the sender was, and, soon enough, he realized who it was.

Simon.

Raphael saw red. He took this idiot fledgling under his wing, gave him a home, and he had the nerve to go behind his back and tell lies about him? Unbelievable.

Raphael threw the doors of Simon’s bedroom open and stormed in. The boy looked up at him, wide eyed and innocent-like. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Raphael held up the dreaded note, the words “I love you” still there.

Apparently, Raphael glaring at them didn’t make them go away. 

“What do you mean?” Simon asked, genuine confusion shining in his eyes. It was almost as if Simon didn’t realize what he did was wrong. Raphael nearly scoffed.

“If you’re just copying me, I will tell you that it’s not funny, Lewis. I’m not in the mood.” Simon flinched under Raphael’s stern gaze, but he dared to approach him anyways. 

“Why are you so mad?” He was gentle, reaching over to Raphael and putting a hand on his shoulder. Raphael immediately shrugged the hand off. 

“You can't just tell me that you love me, idiota!” He was absolutely livid. If looks could kill, Simon would be dead twenty times over. 

“Why not?” 

“Because you don't tell people things like that without meaning it!” Simon sighed heavily as Raphael crossed his arms. 

“Of course, I meant it, Raphael.” He tried catching Raphael’s eye as the older vampire cast his gaze to the ground. 

“Look at me,” Simon pleaded. “I meant every damn word I wrote to you in those cards, Raph. Believe me, you aren't damaged goods. You aren't some kind of monster. And I'm willing to tell you that every day until you believe me.”

“That may take a while.” Raphael said coolly, ice in his voice. 

“Well, I've got all eternity, don't I?” Raphael finally tore his eyes from the floor and looked at Simon. Sincerity was written all over his face and, for a second, Raphael almost thought he could actually love him. 

He shook his head. 

“You’re impossible, Simon Lewis.” Simon grinned and wrapped his arms around Raphael’s waist. 

“You love it.”

“You’re a pain in the ass.” Raphael halfheartedly sent a glare Simon’s way. 

“Yes, but I'm your pain in the ass.” The smile slowly fell off of Simon’s face and was replaced with a more sober look. 

“You are so so loved, Raphael Santiago.” He whispered. “I love you more than you will ever know, and having feelings doesn’t make you weak. You are not broken.” 

“Yes, I am.” Raphael’s voice cracked, but he didn't feel the need to be embarrassed because he was with Simon, and Simon was safety. He was comfort. 

“Then let me fix you.” 

Raphael Santiago was unlovable. He knew that. He thought it his entire life. But, there was Simon Lewis, telling him that he was important, that he was beautiful. And maybe he didn't believe it just yet, but, looking into Simon’s eyes and seeing all the care laying in them, he knew he was willing to try.


End file.
